November last year would see me make my first trip to a hospital in years, but it was for a happy experience! We had our first scan and got to see our little one for the first time!
It was really odd, honestly. It was very odd. There were about twenty women trudging around the hospital first thing in the morning, some of them heavily pregnant, some of them hardly showing. Everyone is avoiding eye contact and it is really weird, almost depressive; it is almost like they're ashamed they've done something wrong (had sex) and have to hide the fact.
There was a kid roaming around the room, a toddler around two and a half; his parents were deep in some kind of baby bump trance and all other eyes in the room were trailed on him as every single person just stared at him... There's a broody air in the room and it seems like people are staring at their futures.
Some of the women were present with their partners, but most weren't. I found that really strange. Karli is carrying the baby and all I can do at any given time is just be there for her you know? So I'm going to be there at all times, no matter how tired I am or how busy I am, my life and work revolve around her now and I know everyone has their own circumstances but this is my reality and I'm happy with it!
There was this disconcerting low murmur in the room that lingered on the periphery of my senses but when I looked around, I couldn't actually see where the voices were coming from. I almost felt guilty to be laughing and joking with Karli... But I was just so bloody excited... And I hate hospitals!
The only down side to the whole experience was having to check the box on a form to say Karli is single! I mean, we have only been together for 7 years! There isn't even an option for cohabiting or partner or something like that. In the eyes of Irish law, she's a single mother... WEIRD!
The whole experience can be a bit stressful and unsettling as you are constantly being passed from pillar to post, from nurse to nurse but the whole time I was excited to see our tiny little Bean in the scan! Somehow that moment when the ultrasound comes on and you get your first glimpse, you cannot really be ready for. I held back a few tears as it was there on the screen, my baby... Our* baby... There were no more words, just joy.
I am Timi